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Dragon Wars (D-War) (War of the Dragons) (2007)

Lets scorch quickly through this draconic carcass: Lord of the Rings orc-like armies (yeah, they wish!), Crouching Tiger-Hidden dragon flying martial art wannabe geniuses, over-the-top-of-my-patience behemoth artillery, non-function pulp fiction story, Sauron’s little brother starring as the main villain, non-important mysterious shape shifting helper, ancient amulets of idiotic power (something like the Double Dragon), traditionally unlucky old men for more drama, false romance, false acting, IQ (de)testing improbabilities, a great struggle between good an evil that could have ended in 5’ with a couple of shells, and most of all, not always convincing special effects for a movie that totally celebrates CGI. A rotten egg that wanted to hatch Godzilla (unlike), Lord of the Rings (like), Cloverfield (unlike), Jurassic Park (liked the first one) and all the last decade’s oriental genre (like/unlike) simultaneously, but, well, it is rotten with absolutely no chance in succeeding at whatever, (obviously something very bombastic and fantastic) the producers had in mind. Save for the surprisingly good direction, which proves that even failed epics do not have to be epic failures, D-Wars overestimated itself very seriously with pretty hilarious side effects. Steer clear of this glossy, draconian pulp.

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